Book of Days…

Yesterday, Ry said something that I think was very insightful. She wants a relationship where we both look forward to the future together. Instead, she feels that only she is looking ahead, and I’m looking …at her.

I don’t know if that is true or not, but it is insightful because it really drives home her feeling that I have much more free time than she does, which is true. I have been searching for a job, but not that actively it seems, because if I were, then I wouldn’t have so much time. So upon re-evaluation, I decided it was best to devise a rigorous schedule to stick to that would have me complete 4 interviews hopefully by Friday in the hopes I get an offer before July 18. Next week will be difficult to work on things because of AX and the Independence Day weekend so I really have to make the most of this week. If I don’t get a job offer by July 18, then it is likely that I will have to take the JET position. Not that I don’t want to go to Japan — that would be a great opportunity, but for reasons I mentioned in a few posts ago I really don’t want to resort to Plan B.

I am focused. My mantra for this week…

I will try my best. <– work hard
I will be productive. <–be busy
I will be active. <– seek out opportunity

Ry and I are both fond of Josh Groban. We’re both also fond of Spanish. (Muy interesante, Jonathan..)

I’d taken about 3 years of the language in High School and it’s sad that what was once fluent has now regressed to very broken Spanish. I tried to translate this song on the fly while we were listening to it in the car and could barely catch half of it. Now armed with my Spanish dictionary, I’ve done it a bit more justice.

Listen to the beautiful ballad here

*lit. "to take/peel a petal off my skin" - like a rose petal. it’s a beautiful metaphor for someone getting into the core of you, like the center of your soul.
**off topic, but apparently "tocar el violin" (instead of "toca musica") is slang for the american slang equivalent of ‘be third wheel’. not that it has anything to do with the song
+pecho figuratively means ‘deep down’ or one’s ‘heart’

Any spanish speakers out there, I happily take critique on my translation

Here are some pictures that highlight the stuff we’ve been up to that Ry was talking about in the last post.

There are more than these 6 pictures… just CLICK any one of the pictures to be brought to the gallery album with more. (check out Page 2 of the album for a bonus movie  )

In order left to right, top to bottom are: STOMP, Cooking Curry, Limerick’s Irish Pub, Boomer’s, XMEN3, and Universal Studios. 

A couple months ago almost, I got accepted into the JET program. For those of you not in the lingo, that’s the Japanese Exchange Teaching program from the Consulate General of Japan administered through the U.S. Foreign Ministry of Affairs.

I was happy to have gotten in but, as you would guess from the fact that I took until now to post about it, I honestly have used it as plan B. It’s not that dislike the idea of spending a year in Japan doing something I love doing. It’s more that this is postponing by another year the prospect of me getting into pharmacy school or getting a job in the profession I got a bachleor’s degree in (which I also love doing).

I got my JET placement today. If I did take the position, I’d be in Miyazaki Prefecture (stifle those giggles you Ghibli fans..), which is from what I can tell, the southeastern tip of Japan in Kyushu. Anyone know about this place? 

This should be a wakeup call. I should not be forced into taking my plan B. I need to find a job. SOON.

*begins "you can do it - you can do it - you can do it" mantra*

 Soo… We’ve been busy this past month other than the Grand Canyon.

But alas, too lazy to blog about it. For now, click on the thumbs above for pics.

They are, from left to right, Mami’s awesome 21st bday party, the ISA (Semi-formal) Dinner Party, and Paul’s Going-away-party.

It has been awhile since Murphy’s Law has applied to me and I had thought that perhaps I escaped from his wrath, but alas, it is not true.

First I plan a month ahead for a beautiful weekend retreat with Ry to Yosemite National Park, but it ends up with a forecast of 60-80% chance of rain and SNOW.  So we change plans to go to the Grand Canyon instead where there was almost no chance of rain. Then right as we are about to leave at 6am, I walk out and my car is TOWED.  I note it will cost the same to cancel our reservations as it would to have my car held in tow for the duration of the trip and so we go in our rental car anyway. Then while cruising down the highway I get caught by California Highway Patrol 5 MILES from the Arizona border (aka where they can not follow me into..)!  And once we set up camp at the Grand Canyon, the 5% "slight chance" of rain happens anyway! (it was actually hail!) 

I give up, Murphy. 

Anyway, as much as I rant, we had a lot of fun and I’m definitely glad we went. Our luck turned better as we spent more time there, too. We had a wonderful secluded camp spot. We had a blast hiking into the canyon and saw absolutely breathtaking views. We pigged out on grilled foods and enjoyed a nice, big, warm, crackling fire. We snuggled under 5 layers of blankets to keep warm and slept in our nifty outdoorsy tent. Good times

Something unexpectedly fun was finding the ingenuity to overcome the challenges that arose: trying to pitch a tent without tent stakes, trying to cook over an open flame while it’s raining/hailing, trying to find a way to funnel hiking snacks into an empty water bottle, trying to open a beer bottle without any tools, etc. I hope I can learn from these ’improvisation’ experiences and apply the same level of sharp outside-the-box solutions to future job applications.

The Grand Canyon is vast, and deep, to say the least. Looking at it quite frankly looks fake. You feel like you’re looking at a photograph. However, NONE of the pics of the Grand Canyon I have posted in the galleryhave been photoshopped or edited in any way. As always, click on the thumbnail pic to see them. Enjoy! 

So midway through the week a couple weeks ago, I get contacted by an ol’ college buddy, Didi, who wants to go camping.

That weekend. (only 2 days notice..)
Alone.
In the desert.
In near freezing temperatures.

and I said…. SURE!  

And though I am still not sure of what I was thinking when I agreed, it made for some good times. (click thumb for pics)

This is inspired (and at parts downright copied..) from a link I got from Ravi. generally speaking I don’t blog about these types of thoughts, but this is an exception because perhaps someone reading this might feel the same way I do, and perhaps this will let them know (as I already know) that they are not alone.

More and more, I am realizing that I don’t know who I am. I only know who I want to be. It is the source of great insecurity. Ask me who I am, and I will tell you that I’m a UCLA graduate applying for JET, for pharmacy school, and I am also trying to find a biotech job. None of those statements answer your question.

Put yourself in my position. You will see that the more you compare who you are and who you had wanted to be, the more the gap seems to widen. You look at your job and find it is not even close to what you thought you’d be doing. You realize you are going to have to start climbing the job ladder from the bottom, and it’s scary.  You look at your many many friends (over 300 aol buddies alone), and realize that you have stopped really hanging out with most of your college friends. You are more mature now so you realize that even close friends can be selfish, and mean. But perhaps that’s also because they themselves are also insecure and confused. You find you miss college. You miss being around different friends and people, day to day, and you miss how you always knew what you had to do - excel in class…that’s it. Now life is a lot more complicated.  Suddenly you realize that this change is your enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. So you move forward, and you now have to worry about repaying loans and making a future for yourself.

So you decide to grasp the future and make the most of your assets, and so far it leads nowhere.

The more I think about it, the more everything in my life seems to be uprooting in my mind.

But I know I’m not alone in these thoughts. I am confident one day I will close that gap between who I am and who I want to be. If I were more religious I’d ask God to guide me, but since I’m not, I’ll gladly settle for my parents, my best friends, and my love.

(Warning:  sappy)

I love Ry.