Who Am I?
This is inspired (and at parts downright copied..) from a link I got from Ravi. generally speaking I don’t blog about these types of thoughts, but this is an exception because perhaps someone reading this might feel the same way I do, and perhaps this will let them know (as I already know) that they are not alone.
More and more, I am realizing that I don’t know who I am. I only know who I want to be. It is the source of great insecurity. Ask me who I am, and I will tell you that I’m a UCLA graduate applying for JET, for pharmacy school, and I am also trying to find a biotech job. None of those statements answer your question.
Put yourself in my position. You will see that the more you compare who you are and who you had wanted to be, the more the gap seems to widen. You look at your job and find it is not even close to what you thought you’d be doing. You realize you are going to have to start climbing the job ladder from the bottom, and it’s scary. You look at your many many friends (over 300 aol buddies alone), and realize that you have stopped really hanging out with most of your college friends. You are more mature now so you realize that even close friends can be selfish, and mean. But perhaps that’s also because they themselves are also insecure and confused. You find you miss college. You miss being around different friends and people, day to day, and you miss how you always knew what you had to do - excel in class…that’s it. Now life is a lot more complicated. Suddenly you realize that this change is your enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. So you move forward, and you now have to worry about repaying loans and making a future for yourself.
So you decide to grasp the future and make the most of your assets, and so far it leads nowhere.
The more I think about it, the more everything in my life seems to be uprooting in my mind.
But I know I’m not alone in these thoughts. I am confident one day I will close that gap between who I am and who I want to be. If I were more religious I’d ask God to guide me, but since I’m not, I’ll gladly settle for my parents, my best friends, and my love.
